how i fell from hell and God caught me:
my life was a cycle of drugs and nihilism. i was an evil kid who met carl by grace.
he was the grim reaper's cousin or something.
carl was born dead, but they revived him.
he is quite different and loved biking since he didn't drive. he had like 5 e-bikes at one point which pissed off his mom.
sometimes during the shanghai cough summer of 2020, i helped him and momma move, and his family gave me food.
anyways, carl gave me a skateboard named snake. it taught me how to skate and fix.
snake had super tight trucks which allowed me to stay on at first; then trucks were loosened, and it could turn.
it had fucked up grip tape on the tail end, so i fixed it, and then it looked like a fat rattle snake.
the wheels didn't bite but they were close to the wood, so i gave it some risers which made snake pretty hardcore.
forsaken by my own displeasure
one cool night after work, after everyone went home, i was starving.
i decided to have a liquid dinner in the form of white claws (bad idea)
was still learning the kick-push then;
didn't listen to the board when it told me to stop skating for the night.
on a mild downhill, a wheel caught a shard of glass and slid, and so i fell and rolled.
the fall didn't hurt too much, but the foot felt like it was dipped in hot lava.
Better than my whole body and soul i suppose.
thought it was a sprain, so i let 2 weeks pass.
then my birthday passed, then months passed, and every step hurts and got worse.
And i knew and felt deeply that couldn't dance anymore.
didn't know it was torn-tendon-no-grow-back bad until months after, after visits to the doc and xrays and magnetic resonance sessions.
never knew when i'd be eligible for the surgery; i would just have to live like that.
so i finished up wasteland blues as a prayer thinking it would be my very last dance project in this life.
God was with me every step of that project. every randomly placed grain and chance opacity.
i was still working construction then, taped my foot up in that hard boot
shed a lot of fucking tears working like that, no hope for dancing.
the film took months to do, and finally, the last and best section was on the workbench.
"all things are possible with God", my mind kept saying it one night, as the last green screen section of the video was finished with one cut, then the narration, then psalms 51, which fit perfectly
His hand was evident; God likes the offering of broken spirit and contrite heart
then the credits was done. all on that same night.
on the upload day i failed a humility test and got kicked off the worksite,
which allowed me to get my chores done, to enjoy my last cigarette,
and also a day off to do a private screening at best friend's family home.
hospital called me on that very off day to tell me that surgery's open, but i only had 3 days to get ready for it.
work called me after that and reinstated me.
riding on blue inside the womb Anyways, someone stole snake out of my garage. maybe it was for the best.
God has chastised me with pure love.
i am pulsing until we can dance again...