Losses make good investments

I auditioned for Cirque Du Soleil for the third and last time in 2018. Basic story of a freelance artist who worked odd jobs while scraping by, managing relationships, hoping for the big break. Drove from LA to San Francisco for the 2-day cattle call. First day was ballet / contemporary; second day was hip-hop. It was a hard drive in the middle of the night, many glances at the clock, had to manage sleep and road time, rationed sips on the energy drink. Slept in my car at the rest-stop which is functionally a homeless encampment.

Day 1: didn't even make the first cut. Things moved fast. They show you the combination a couple of times, but if you're not tall and got stuck somewhere in the middle of the pack, good luck. Couldn't see anything. Told me that I was at the wrong audition. "Hip-hop is tomorrow", they said.

Day 2: made it all the way to the end. They had us cypher in the beginning. Danced my heart out to James Brown's "Superbad", felt good. Gave us a routine, did my best to learn it, gassed up the people dancing with me, felt the best I've ever felt at an audition; never got a call back.

Sometimes you can do your best, feel good about it, and... you just don't fit, or you don't get picked. It's all good. Be grateful for that hard time you just went through. Each company have their own problems to worry about. Cirque is actually one of the nicer companies as they actually try to look at you as an individual, always giving people improv time.

The good: I found out that the North Cali breaking/house/freestyle dance community is super welcoming. Even in the warm-up room, it was a good vibe, smiles all around. Sessioned at Berkeley per recommendation. Everyone knew halos. Slept in a mall parking lot; a local knew about it and pointed me the way. Easy access to early morning coffee and a bathroom. The friends you make along the way is priceless.

I am a bboy by trade and had a big ego, so I didn't battle much. The reason why is because it is exactly like fighting. I lose most of the time and become butthurt for days. The pressure of the battle is crushing. Observation: the best and most confident bboys are also the most humble and work the hardest, even if they front like they are Kanye. They are extremely hardy from being continuously punched in the ego and keeping on truckin'.

My biggest regret is getting called out by bboy Neguin, and I did not respond, because I was afraid.

"Invest in losses" is another way of saying "get burned and learn". Getting burned hurts. No one wants to feel the pain, but pain comes anyway, and life dishes it out, seemingly indifferent to your situation or how you feel. People lie to you, cheat on you, or they don't care about your efforts. It's on them, but it's also on the person on the receiving end to learn. Else we just retreat, wait for our bruises to heal, then make the same mistakes that got us there in the first place, over and over. Quite insane, and not very helpful. What doesn't kill you make you stronger/stranger. And being strange is akin to being wealthy, for the artist.
b b o y S T E E Z from compton said, create value from being

Adversity is a gift that gives you courage and strength. God does not afflict willingly.